Kentucky’s statewide voice on ending intimate partner violence, officials with “ZeroV” issued a lengthy statement this past week — asking for citizens to be aware of the holidays — which often bring a mix of complications and danger with abusive partners.
Typically in a pattern of violent and coercive behavior, an abusive partner likes to maintain power and control over a significant other, and actions can include repeated emotional, financial, physical, sexual, and other types of abuse. It can span the full calendar year regardless of major dates and events.
Holidays aren’t usually the cause of this violence, but they can bring changes to daily routines that affect abusive partners’ patterns of behavior — and, thus, make it harder for survivors to plan for their safety, particularly around Christmas and New Year’s Day.
Holiday time off from work and school can also disrupt routines, and time off from work makes it more likely abusive partners will be at home, where their presence may make it less safe for survivors to reach out for support.
Time off from school may also require changes to visitation schedules for survivors who are co-parenting, which can present additional safety challenges.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline has tips to help survivors make holiday-specific safety plans.
+ Make a plan to keep checking in with someone, and create a code word or phrase that will let them know you need help without alerting your partner. Make sure you agree on what the code word means, whether they call you, call the police, or do something else.
+ Make a specific safety plan for each trip.
+ For survivors who are separated from abusive partners, consider meeting family and friends in new locations unknown to the abusive partner.
+ Use a P.O. box address or no return address when sending out holiday cards.
+ Consider if the Kentucky Secretary of State’s address confidentiality program, Safe At Home, would be a good fit for you.
+ Be mindful of an ex-partner’s potential use of tracking devices on phones and cars.
For friends and family of someone who is experiencing intimate partner violence, the best way to support a survivor is to listen to them without judgment and let them know you are there to support them however they need.
And figuring out how to start a conversation with a survivor can be difficult.
One neutral way friends and family can open that line of communication is by saying, “It looks like you’re having a rough time and I’m here if you ever want to talk.” This lets survivors know that they have a safe person they can reach out to for support when they are ready.
When planning a gathering, ask the survivor if there is anything that might make an abusive partner’s behavior worse, like alcohol or sleeping in the same room, and make plans to limit or avoid those things.
Help the survivor get some time away from their abusive partner by inviting them to go shopping, run errands, do holiday prep, or go for a walk.
Anyone needing support related to intimate partner violence can contact their local domestic violence program,
which you can find at zerov.org/shelter_programs, or call, text, or chat the National Domestic Violence Hotline at thehotline.org/ or 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Sanctuary, Inc., in Christian County, is also another local option.
